What an odd year 2014 was. Two of my best friends moved to Oregon to start a new adventure in their lives, while I was starting my senior year. Having so little classes and free time senior year was a blast. All the bradahs were back together ready to take over Kalani high school. As seniors we ruled the school but all that fun changed me. Throughout the year I was part of the volleyball team, I wanted to play plus help evangalize to my teammates with my two christian coaches. The struggle of doing this was that it separated me from spending time with God and my church. I would go from time to time but I wasn't feeling it. My competitive drive in me and attitude took away my starting position and eventually our team lost in the playoffs. Angry that I didn't start in my senior year I had to find some way to let out my frustration. The week after we lost the playoffs I was invited to a party. I went thinking I could drink and party my frustration away and I did but I also made some very bad decisions that would changemy life as a christian. During that party I broke my limit and got completely black out drunk. The next two days were painful. The following week my boys filled me in on what I did while I was drunk. Apparently I made out with I girl that used to like me and wanted to have sex with her, which we almost did do if I wasn't heavily intoxicated. My church leaders ended finding out about what happened and helped me through it. I was okay up until graduation. A couple days after graduating I had a small grad dinner with close friends and family. With all my grad money me and the boys went on a crazy night which I'm not proud of. Then I got addicted to the feeling and about a week or two later we did the same thing. Giving in to my physical temptation I ended calling the girl from the party. About a couple weeks later I lost my virginity to her, but what made it worse was we did it right before I went to church. Addicted to that feeling we did it the next week. After that she told me we shouldn't hook up anymore, but I was stil addicted to that temptation. I tried multiple times trying to get back with her but it failed in the end. Finally when she said she wanted to hook up again I was of course excited. A couple weeks went buy and nothing happened. Confused by why nothing happened yet I asked her what was happening. She told me that she only wanted the guy that I was from the party and I never want to be that guy again, so I told her it's never going to happen. Four of my best friends who were once Christians have fallen away so talking to them isn't any good. My close christian friends all say the same thing and I listen but it's hard to go to God when you don't have the passion anymore. It's 2015 and I'm stil addicted to this sin and my passion for God hasn't improved at all. I try do morning devos but I don't get anything from them and messages feel like I've heard them before and can't learn anything from it. Hopefully this year I can get out of this slump and help bring 4 of my best friends back to Christ.
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