Seasons and friendships have a lot in common, they both change. Seasons we have no control over, but we sure as hell have more control over our friendships. A person that I still care about and still consider a friend quoted "though friendships change with the seasons, I'm thankful for all seasons." which after this weekend I might be included at this jab toward this persons "friends". This person has a special place in my heart, but they've unintentionally hurt some of my friends, who have chosen to dislike her which is probably the reason of her quote in the first place. Me still being this person's friend who has yet to be hurt is in an unfortunate predicament. Some of my closest friends have been hurt by this person and I'm hoping there's still the person I care about somewhere inside their heart because from what I'm hearing, this person has changed. I'm not trying to say this person is a bad person now I'm just saying it seems that way based on what I've heard. Now because of this weekend I kind of chose the opposing side and now I may be apart of that quote. Seeing that quote on social media got me a little upset so I wrote a little quote myself "As the seasons change so do friendships, but which do we have control over? And why did the friendship change?". Yes this is a jab back at this person, but I'm hoping the ending of my quote will make this person remember the friendships they once had and why they've changed like the seasons. Friendships are a two way street, one person may change, but it's also the other persons responsibility to show them who they've become, and if they don't listen then you can only pray they realize it on their own because they were your friend and you still care about them deep down in your heart. Now I know I didn't tie in the seasons and friendship thing very well but I haven't been in school for a while, I did my best with my love for writing. I'm hoping my high school AP English teacher would like to give his two cents on this to make it grammatically correct and less like a blog even though I wrote this in a blog. I think I could see myself doing something like this in my future, you know and have an artsy picture to go along with it. Yeah being a photo journalist sounds like the perfect job for me. Also to the person this is for, we haven't really talked in awhile, maybe we should, maybe I can help repair your friendships.
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So far 2015 has been pretty good, and I'm hoping for it to get even better. I got a pretty decent job that pays well which means my grandpa won't have to pay for as many things for me. The only thing about a job is my legs aren't used to standing for 6 hours straight, but I'll eventually get used to it. I still don't have my license but within a month I should hopefully have it. Since I've gotten a job I've been kind of lazy to go and haven't practiced driving at all. If I don't have it before Austyn comes back I'm gonna be mad at myself. Spiritually I'm doing a lot better especially since I have work to keep me distracted from a lot of things. Work keeps me away from going to cru since I work Tuesday nights but I still get to go on Thursdays and Saturdays. Pastor Jim had his last sermon two weeks ago and it was sad to see him and Aunty Ana leave. Whenever I went to second service I always enjoyed his messages. I hope our search for a new pastor is going well. HIM conference is in a week and I'm very excited about that because I'm certain God will do great things in those 3 days. Also jesus culture is playing the concert and they are one of my favorites and I can't wait to see them from front row. Physically I'm doing better. I sometimes slack on my workouts and cardio because of work, but when Austyn comes back I know he will push me. I still need to check up with my doctor on a couple things but I doubt they are serious. I've been trying to eat healthy but it is hard on the weekends because of church. We always go to McDonald's or Wendy's after and I just made the weekend my cheat days. I've been playing volleyball more because I get to help coach the kalani boys team and it's very fun. I don't do as much as I wish but it's still fun to hang out with the team. I really need to work my cardio like way more though because I've been dying during basketball and that's no good. Being healthy is a lot of work and a marathon and I still have a long ways to go before I finish the race. Since I've been helping Kalani I always go before school ends so I can talk to some of my favorite teachers. Ms. Sakamaki is normally one of the first I go see and we talk for twenty minutes since she always has tutoring. I always talk with mrs. Yoshida because she is the jest counselor ever. Normally I talk to her till she leaves which is like at 4, so we get like at least an hour and a half of talking. She always helps me with what I want to do with my future and what to expect from life. I also get to help her with her freshman by telling them not to screw around in high school and to not be lazy like I was. I really do miss high school but visiting every other day for practice is fun. I hate how quickly I get angry, like i need to learn how to deal with it better. I mean today started off amazing but it ended badly. I spent majority of the day with my dad up country side and it was good quality father son bonding. When it comes to seeing amazing waves and surfing I'm like a fat kid in a candy store. Unfortunately I didn't get much sleep the night before, so by the time I got to church I was exhausted. Being exhausted I was a little edgy for no reason. Stephen asked me to do announcements before the message and I declined and went for a walk. On the walk I tried to clear my head and ask God why I didn't get the job I wanted. I got back to church right before worship started and i loved the set Daniel played. West gave a great message on why we should read the bible and how it's a love letter from God. We don't love the letter but we love the one who sent us the letter. After the message we played basketball with some of wests students. Them being on the kaimuki basketball team made me a little extra competitive, and now I'm icing my left shoulder. As usual we go to McDonald's and then Wests house. Of course at Wests we played smash brothers like we do every weekend. Throughout the night me and Mitch joke around with each other like we always do. Still feeling edgy I get irritated, which makes me take it to far which ends up irritating Mitch. Now we're both salty at each other and we didn't resolve it before he dropped me off like we normally do. I don't know, I wish today ended the way it started. No offense ladies but you are so confusing and frustrating. I know you're mad so why not talk to me and explain why because not talking isn going to solve anything at all. We weren't even talking about anything to really get in a big argument about so why get so mad. I was just expressing my opinion and since it wasn't what you liked, you decide to call me crazy and then not explain why and then not reply. It's only 10:45 I'm pretty sure you're not asleep even though you do at times go to sleep early. Even though you put "lol" after majority of your texts I could tell that you were upset because I feel like I know you pretty well. It's not like we're dating or anything but I did at one time wish we were, and sometimes I still wish it could happen. You were once my best friend but now it seems like we don't even talk. You used to have so much time to talk to me before, but now we talk like maybe once or twice a week. Is it because your boyfriend doesn't want you to talk to me? Because that didn't stop you before with your other ex-boyfriends. I know I sound like as most of my guy friends would say "a little bitch" but that's just how much I care. Letting go of someone who you shared feelings with is hard and I'm not sure if I can. Also I still want you to know Christ since you're always saying you want to start attending church. I know "flirt to convert" is bad but at first it started like that, but now I really want you to experience Gods love because of how great it is. Wow at first this started as a rant because of how "women" don't approach arguments the way I would like, but now I don't even care about it. Maybe I'm wrong and you weren't mad and maybe you are sleeping since you get up for school early. In the end I really do wish the best for you and if your current boyfriend makes you happy then best of luck to you both. I pray that one day you are able to see Gods love as I do, or how I once did since I'm still trying to get back on track. We've been friends throughout high school and helped each other with many obstacles, and I pray that we continue being friends up in heaven. Today was such a good day, thank you Jesus. It started off with me waking up three hours before my alarm, which sucked because of a late night at Wests house, but I was able to make it to combined service. The message was good and it was nice to listen to a sermon by pastor Jim especially because he is moving to Iowa in March. Also I was able to see some of the elders that I haven't seen in a while. After service me and Mitch went to Wests house to prepare for the Super Bowl. The Super Bowl was epic and there were a ton of people at the house. The excitement at the end of the fourth quarter was crazy. The Patriots came out on top but it was a bitter victory for me unfortunately because of the outcome of the last play. Being a Seahawks fan West was very excited since the Seahawks had the ball at the one yard line and had the chance to score the winning touchdown. Right when the Patriots intercepted the ball West jumped on me and grabbed my face. When he grabbed my face his arm hit me in the lip, which caused it to bleed. I was happy that the Patriots won but in pain because of an arm to my lip. After the Super Bowl we went to play a couple hours of volleyball. Unfortunately my body being in pain I ended up just playing games on the easy side instead of the intense side. There wasn't as many people as there usually is but I got to see some people I haven't seen in a while and it was nice to play with them. After volleyball Yoshi dropped me off at home and I ate cold pizza and showered. Now I'm just watching tv and typing this out and I'm almost ready for bed. I really do have to thank God because this was such a good day despite my body being sore from volleyball. Music is what can bring friendship to the most random people and I love that. The only thing about music is now that I'm a christian do I stop listening to the music I once listened to? I know swearing and lust is all part of the music scene nowadays and that's what I grew up listening. I know that being a Christian we try to live a Christlike life and knowing Christ I don't think he would enjoy the type of music I am listening too. I know some of my songs aren't bad but still that's about a fourth of my music library. Is it sin to listen to the music I'm listening too? I hope it's not because I grew up listening to this genre of music and God created me like that. I hope that it isn't sin because I love my music and it makes me different from everybody else. I don't know this question has always been on my mind and I just wanted to express my feeling towards it. I'm hoping 2015 will be a good year and it kind of has. Unfortunately I ended up missing the registration deadline for kcc so I'm not a college student this semester. I'm not one to set goals because I'm afraid of failure but I shouldn't be afraid so I will set goals for 2015. Personal goals 1. Get a job and quick because living off of my grandfather isn't good. 2. Get my drivers license because I've been telling myself that forever but I still haven't done it. 3. Go to sleep earlier because I'm typing this at 4 am 5. Spend more time with dad and grandpa 6. Help more around the house 7. Wake up early and eat breakfast Physical goals 1. Go to the gym Monday Wednesday Friday 2. Make sure injuries are nothing serious 3. Continue basketball Thursday's and volleyball Saturday's and Sunday's 4. Skate with jesse and Ethan more 5. Play soccer with nick every once in a while 6. Surf more because I miss the ocean and that is where I see Gods beauty Spiritual goals 1. Do morning devos and actually learn and remember them 2. Go to cru more often 3. Pray more and not selfish prayers 4. Tithe more 5. Talk to my leaders more about life 6. Try bring Leo Hudson Austyn and Larry back in a Christlike life 7. Try evangalize more with whoever God wants me to I'm setting these goals because I know that with God it is possible What an odd year 2014 was. Two of my best friends moved to Oregon to start a new adventure in their lives, while I was starting my senior year. Having so little classes and free time senior year was a blast. All the bradahs were back together ready to take over Kalani high school. As seniors we ruled the school but all that fun changed me. Throughout the year I was part of the volleyball team, I wanted to play plus help evangalize to my teammates with my two christian coaches. The struggle of doing this was that it separated me from spending time with God and my church. I would go from time to time but I wasn't feeling it. My competitive drive in me and attitude took away my starting position and eventually our team lost in the playoffs. Angry that I didn't start in my senior year I had to find some way to let out my frustration. The week after we lost the playoffs I was invited to a party. I went thinking I could drink and party my frustration away and I did but I also made some very bad decisions that would changemy life as a christian. During that party I broke my limit and got completely black out drunk. The next two days were painful. The following week my boys filled me in on what I did while I was drunk. Apparently I made out with I girl that used to like me and wanted to have sex with her, which we almost did do if I wasn't heavily intoxicated. My church leaders ended finding out about what happened and helped me through it. I was okay up until graduation. A couple days after graduating I had a small grad dinner with close friends and family. With all my grad money me and the boys went on a crazy night which I'm not proud of. Then I got addicted to the feeling and about a week or two later we did the same thing. Giving in to my physical temptation I ended calling the girl from the party. About a couple weeks later I lost my virginity to her, but what made it worse was we did it right before I went to church. Addicted to that feeling we did it the next week. After that she told me we shouldn't hook up anymore, but I was stil addicted to that temptation. I tried multiple times trying to get back with her but it failed in the end. Finally when she said she wanted to hook up again I was of course excited. A couple weeks went buy and nothing happened. Confused by why nothing happened yet I asked her what was happening. She told me that she only wanted the guy that I was from the party and I never want to be that guy again, so I told her it's never going to happen. Four of my best friends who were once Christians have fallen away so talking to them isn't any good. My close christian friends all say the same thing and I listen but it's hard to go to God when you don't have the passion anymore. It's 2015 and I'm stil addicted to this sin and my passion for God hasn't improved at all. I try do morning devos but I don't get anything from them and messages feel like I've heard them before and can't learn anything from it. Hopefully this year I can get out of this slump and help bring 4 of my best friends back to Christ. |
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